3 am in the morn, cool breeze ballooning the loose untucked T-shirt ….Hoodibaabaa!! …Vrooom!!….. Bliss !! …… And a sudden thrust on d brake-paddle and my head bumps into a front seated ISI-marked helmet ….What the …!!!! Newton called it inertia - A gaadi will continu to move with its raftaar on a sadak until and unless it is acted upon by brakes owing to unavoidable gadhhaas . Isskool me sikhaya tha …there are two types of roads: Kaccha roads and pakka roads …..Papa ne bataya …there are also Indori Roads!!
Indori pimple faced sadaks have always been one of the most revered indori phenomena… Tarnishing and weathering over the years, they have endured their cause and ensured that the adage “Life’z never smooth, or …. Life’z full of ups and downs ” was obeyed literally!! These chand-sa- roshan roads of indore experience full moons in d monsoons and truly stick to the line “ chand me bhi daag hai “. Driving on such wet- or rather drenched - roads is worst than standing on a quagmire. You may try incessantly to avoid the potholes but the divine chakravyuh always gets the better of you ... You sink into the puddle thinking OMG my trousers!! But suddenly a Pulsar-180cc overtakes the- unfortunate-you and spurts muddy water on your face …. Point taken ….Always consider the centripetal force while looking into problems! While riding on a truly indori road [eg. Sadar bazaar road] its like you have been given quite a fair choice –Do you want to be burnt alive …or do you want to be baked alive [Yeah james bond! In either case you have to die! ]. And when it comes to speed brakers, they are worthless as well coz who the hell is ever able to pick up speed .... Waaoww speeeed ...whats that?
These roads do experience springs sometyms .It happens when a gulam ali faced sadak suddenly seems like a spotless aishwarya when a VVIP visits the Holkar-ki-nagri but it reinstates to the gud old self when someone digs in the Tambooz and bambooz for his bhatije ki shaadi … “sadak nayi hai to kya hua… Jao paarshad-unkil se mil lo ….unse baat ho gayi hai” And when such things happen its quite natural for the shock-ups of a new vehicle to get shocked at the brutality of these roads on their very first mulaquaat. I can imagine a discover-125cc wailing while pleading Mr. Sojatiya [Bajaj dealer] saying “Papa…. I don’t want to marry him …. He’ll take me to indore…..uuuuaaaan” But the true sufferers are not the shock ups … Tyres are the true Mar-tyres. They are the ones who face it!!
Anyways, owing all the credit to the potholes would be quite unfair on the part of the indori junta-janardan. Consider an indori 6-lane-road with 3 lanes on either side of the divider. Pedestrians walking in lane 1 [outermost lane], cattle all over the place, a baraat singing “ kala kawwa kaat khayega” in lane 2 and 3,bicycles on the footpath, bykers zig-zaging a roller coaster ride all over the place, [even over the divide in some cases] and the car wallahs hollering hi-pitched-horns while trying to find an escape from this strum and drang, inside the car atif aslam screaming “ Hum Kis Gali Jaa rahe hai apna koi thikaana nahi “ … total chaos ! So being an Indori this happens so often to me … I wake up in the morning….fresh as a daisy … do all the nahana – dhona stuff and oops I am already 10 minutes late! Rush to my Byk …. I hit the road… I am riding steady telling myself to be slow steady and careful [years of experience u see] evrythin is all right ,I am behind a maruti 800 and all of a sudden I see this open drainage-hole appearing from between the hind tyres of the maruti… holy shit! Move right-theres a tempo, move left-theres this array of pedestrians and stop- no ways! I I take my chances with the tempo that’s a bit farther…I turn right…woooops theres this cow ,I turn left woo-ooops sorry unkil [“oye pelwaan dekh ke ni chalate banti kya?” He shouts ] and suddenly the autorikshaw takes a 180 degree turn… hey hey hey ….I turn right and what the hell is this baraf –ka –gola-thela doing here…ohh-ohh –ohh….wuff a narrow escape….. gear up –gear down – clutches- brakes-horn-accelerator …. Am I human …you must be kidding me! That’s why the Spidys and the supermans don’t come to indore …they can’t rescue a guy by picking him up in mid air…. they may just end up crashing into a reverse geared nagarseva …
Anyways being an eternal optimist I look at the brighter aspects and thank God that I don’t own a ferari. As an Indori shakespeare wud’ve said “Blessed are those who drive [read as : thrive] on two wheels “ Coz when it comes to indori roads-the slimmer the quicker. And anyways so goes the Holkarian curse
“Ramchandra keh gaye siya se , aisa kalyug aayega
Car-wala bachte rahega gaddho se, byk-wala aage nikal jaayega”